A Traitor’s Prayer

Betrayal is such a bitter word.

I prefer, perspicacity,

For scales have fallen from my eyes

And I see the truth.

You kept the world so small,

Restrained my sight.

Demanding my fealty,

Unwavering and certain.

Give me these acrid names—

Apostate. Infidel. Traitor.

Rage and flail at me

The air is freer here, anyway.

Here in the harsh light of truth,

And freezing winds of honesty,

The paradise never was here

Yet another truth you kept from me.

We know what I did

In leaving you.

Does the past need to be named

When it fills every cup from which I drink?

Is there return from this wasteland?

My actions offer no shelter.

Will you welcome an old friend?

If not a friend, then a beggar?

What penance will you demand—

Knees bleeding, rocks cutting to the bone?

Self-flagellation? A thumb?

Sacrifice of the firstborn?

We can call it what it was,

Betrayal.

I will do whatever you wish,

I just want to come home.

Tyler Watson writes fiction and theology. He has served as a pastor in the Evangelical Covenant Church and earned his MDiv from Fuller Theological Seminary. He has written one novel, The Gospel According to Doubters and Traitors, and several devotionals. You can find more about those works on this site.